📜 Poor Veteran’s Almanack: Observations Upon the Weather of the VA, Both Atmospheric and Administrative
📰 The Veterans Affairs Weather Report, Rendered in the Style of Dr. Benjamin Franklin, Printer, Natural Philosopher, and Occasional Complainer of Bureaucratic Maladies 📰
A Meteorological & Administrative Report for the Federal Atmosphere, Issued this Day from the Bureau of Observational Irony, with Particular Attention to the Barometric Irregularities afflicting the Veteran Populace
Location: Department of Veterans Affairs
Time: Perpetually Backlogged
Conditions: Morally Inclement with a 70% chance of Being Placed on Hold
GENERAL OUTLOOK:
The winds of Reform, though oft promised, remain trapped in a stubborn high-pressure system of Red Tape, producing a thick Fog of Obfuscation that obscures even the most modest Request for Care.
TEMPERATURE:
Chilly in the Waiting Rooms, Tepid in the Policy Offices, and positively Infernal in the Claims Appeals Department, where flames of frustration consume all hope of timely adjudication.
HUMIDITY:
Oppressively high—saturated with Condescension, Misinformation, and the Perspiration of those navigating labyrinthine forms in triplicate.
BAROMETRIC PRESSURE:
Steady pressure building within the Veteran Community. Forecast suggests imminent thunder should "Access to Cannabis" or "Recognition of Alternative Therapies" be once again dismissed as 'premature.'
ALERTS:
⚠️ Clerical Storm Warning in effect for the Claims Processing Region. Prepare for delays, denials, and mysteriously lost documentation.
🚨 Mental Health Crisis Advisory remains active, but no significant increase in staffing has been observed.
🧊 Cold Front expected from Upper Management, drifting in from the D.C. Beltway with a mix of indifference and quarterly performance bonuses.
RECOMMENDED ATTIRE:
Layered patience
Flame-retardant humor
Waterproof boots, for wading through bulls**t
Optional: pocket Constitution, highlighted at Article I, Section 8
