California Senate Joint Resolution No. 8
🎤 George Carlin Mode Activated
Alright folks, here we go. Let’s take a little trip back to 1993. California writes up this shiny Senate Joint Resolution No. 8. Real official. Real serious. It says, “Hey, cannabis is medicine. The scientists know it, the doctors know it, even the United Nations—yes, the goddamn UN—knows it. Patients are puking their guts out from chemo, AIDS patients are wasting away, and cannabis helps. So maybe—just maybe—we should let doctors prescribe it.”
Sounds reasonable, right? But here’s the punchline: it’s 2025, and we’re still stuck in the same goddamn clown show.
🥁 The Carlin Breakdown
“WHEREAS” – every line starts with WHEREAS. That’s how politicians write. “WHEREAS this, WHEREAS that…” I read this thing and it sounds like a drunk uncle explaining why he missed your birthday party. WHEREAS the car broke down, WHEREAS the dog ate my wallet, WHEREAS I’m full of shit.
In 1993, they said cannabis had “clearly established medical value.” Clearly established! Thirty-two years later, we’re still having debates on TV with some lab coat saying, “Well, we need more research.” More research? Buddy, you’ve had three decades! At this point you’re not researching, you’re stalling—like a teenager pretending to “study” while he’s really jerking off.
And here’s the kicker: the resolution flat-out accuses the federal government of using patients as pawns. Patients! As pawns! And Washington goes, “Yeah, sounds about right. Carry on.”
🧨 Carlin’s Weapon of Choice: Rage Comedy
“Safe and effective medicine”? Nah, better lock it up next to heroin and say it has “no medical value.”
The UN said reclassify it. The courts said reclassify it. California said reclassify it. The only ones who didn’t? The same geniuses who think putting corn syrup in everything is fine but a plant in your garden is a national security threat.
And of course, the federal government admits it’s political, not medical. But we keep pretending there’s some grand mystery here. “We just don’t know enough about marijuana.” Oh really? You don’t know enough? The Pharaohs were smoking it! Shakespeare was smoking it! You’ve got thirty years of paperwork on your desk that says IT WORKS!
🎤 Carlin Punchline
So let me summarize this resolution: in 1993, the state of California told the federal government to stop bullshitting. In 2025, we’re still waiting. You know what that means? It means the war on drugs isn’t about drugs—it’s about war. It’s about control. It’s about making sure sick people stay pawns while politicians stay players.
And they call this democracy. Democracy my ass.
RESOLUTION CHAPTER 70
Senate Joint Resolution No. 8—Relative to cannabis/marijuana.
[Filed with Secretary of State September 2, 1993.]
LEGISLATIVE COUNSEL'S DIGEST
SJR 8, Mello. Controlled substances: cannabis/marijuana.
This measure would memorialize the President and the Congress of the United States to enact appropriate legislation to permit cannabis/marijuana to be prescribed by licensed physicians and to ensure a safe and affordable supply of cannabis/marijuana for medical use.
WHEREAS, Scientific and medical studies by the National Academy of Science have shown cannabis/marijuana to be a safe and effective medicine with very low toxicity compared to most prescription drugs and it has been shown to be effective in the treatment of glaucoma; epilepsy; muscle spasticity; arthritis; the nausea, vomiting, and appetite loss associated with chemotherapies; anxiety and depression; and the symptoms of withdrawal from alcohol and narcotics; and
WHEREAS, Studies show that one-third of all cancer patients discontinue potentially life-saving chemotherapy due to the severe and debilitating side effects and the same is true for many AIDS patients receiving AZT or other similar therapies; and
WHEREAS, Most physicians surveyed said that they would prescribe cannabis/marijuana if legally available, and one-half of all cancer specialists surveyed said that they have already encouraged at least one of their patients to break the law and use cannabis/marijuana to ease the violent nausea and vomiting associated with their current treatments; and
WHEREAS, In May of 1991, the United Nations Narcotic Control Board voted overwhelmingly to reclassify cannabis/marijuana, placing it back on Schedule II, and making it available by prescription, and, the United States representative to this board voted in favor of the rescheduling; and
WHEREAS, Despite a federal court order recognizing the “clearly established medical value” of cannabis/marijuana, and mandating that it be reclassified to Schedule II and made available by prescription, the federal government continues to deny access to this safe and effective medicine; and
WHEREAS, By its own admission, the federal government continues to deny access to cannabis/marijuana for political rather than medical reasons, and are using patients as pawns in the ever-escalating war on drugs by following current policies which place message before medicine, convenience before compassion, and politics before patients; now, therefore, be it
Resolved by the Senate and Assembly of the State of California, jointly, That the Legislature of the State of California respectfully memorializes the President and the Congress of the United States to enact appropriate legislation to permit cannabis/marijuana to be prescribed by licensed physicians and to ensure a safe and affordable supply of cannabis/marijuana for medical use; and be it further
Resolved, That the Secretary of the Senate transmit copies of this resolution to the President and Vice President of the United States, to the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and to each Senator and Representative from California in the Congress of the United States.
📜 This isn’t an activist zine. ^ This is California’s Legislature, 1993, filed with the Secretary of State. Thirty-two years later, still ignored.
Cohn Mode wants the smoke.
⚖️ Cross-Examination of a 30-Year Lie
Let’s put this relic from 1993 under oath. Senate Joint Resolution No. 8, the California Legislature speaking with one voice: Cannabis has medical value. The federal government knows it. The federal courts said it. Even the damn United Nations Narcotic Control Board said it. And yet—thirty years later—we’re still litigating the obvious.
🔍 Narrative Strategy
Strip it down to the bones. Make the audience feel the absurdity of hearing the same testimony in 1993 and again in 2025, unchanged, while patients suffer and politicians preen. The voice is prosecutorial: the witness is lying, the government is lying, and the record proves it.
⏱ Tempo & Delivery
Sharp, rapid-fire. Every “WHEREAS” becomes an indictment. No patience for florid language—cut straight through the excuses, hammer the continuity of betrayal.
⚔️ Wit & Weaponry
Sarcasm as cross-exam tool: “Oh, they knew in 1993, did they? And yet here we are.”
Leading questions that box the government in: “If this was ‘clearly established medical value’ in 1993, what do you call it now—thirty years of obstruction?”
Courtroom contempt: every clause drips with the suggestion that the government is not incompetent—it is deliberate.
📑 Tactical Playbook
Example Phrases in Voice:
“Your Honor, may I remind the court: in 1993, the California Legislature declared the federal government was using patients as pawns. That was not metaphor—that was evidence.”
“We are thirty years past the moment of clarity, and yet the government still pleads ignorance. Ignorance is not a defense when the record shows knowledge.”
“This is not a failure of science, this is perjury by policy.”
“Patients didn’t just lose time. They lost lives while Washington slow-walked the inevitable.”
🧾 Deployable Statement in Cohn Mode
*Ladies and gentlemen, the record is clear. In 1993, the California Legislature begged Washington to act—armed with medical studies, physician surveys, international rescheduling votes, and a federal court order. The language is damning: ‘clearly established medical value.’ That was thirty-two years ago. And yet in 2025, patients are still treated as criminals, still denied access, still pawns in the same political game.
So I ask: how many more decades will this government need to recognize what it already admitted in writing? How many more ‘resolutions’ before the resolution? The jury should note: this isn’t delay. This is obstruction. And obstruction, when it costs lives, is not politics—it’s malpractice of the highest order.*
👉 Activation phrase: Deploy this when confronting lawmakers, journalists, or bureaucrats pretending cannabis reform is “new,” “untested,” or “complicated.”
🎭 Carlin–Cohn
Tag-Team Interrogation 🎭
Read this out loud. One voice as the comic, one voice as the prosecutor. The resolution becomes theatre.
Case File: California Senate Joint Resolution No. 8 (1993)
Proceedings Date: 2025
Exhibit A: “WHEREAS, cannabis is a safe and effective medicine…”
Carlin:
Oh, here we go. Safe and effective, low toxicity, works for glaucoma, epilepsy, arthritis—you name it. Safer than half the crap in your medicine cabinet. But sure, let’s keep it in the same category as heroin. Because nothing says “logic” like treating grandma’s arthritis joint the same as a black-tar habit in an alley.
Cohn:
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the record states—in 1993—that cannabis was proven safe and effective. That is not speculation, that is finding of fact. Thirty-two years later, the government still denies it. This is not oversight. This is deliberate obstruction.
Exhibit B: “WHEREAS, one-third of cancer patients abandon chemotherapy due to side effects…”
Carlin:
Think about that—patients puking so bad they quit chemo. Quit chemo! Imagine telling someone, “Sorry, we’ve got a plant that could stop the nausea, but Uncle Sam says it’s contraband. Better puke yourself to death than break the law.” That’s not medicine, that’s malpractice wrapped in red tape.
Cohn:
And the law is complicit. In 1993, California warned Congress that patients were abandoning life-saving treatment because of a lack of access to cannabis. The government knew, and it chose to prioritize prohibition over survival. That is reckless disregard for human life.
Exhibit C: “WHEREAS, most physicians would prescribe cannabis if it were legal…”
Carlin:
Doctors were basically whispering, “Psst—smoke this, it’ll help.” Half the oncologists already told their patients to break the law! You know how broken a system has to be when your doctor prescribes civil disobedience instead of medicine?
Cohn:
The government cannot claim ignorance when its own physicians were demanding access. This was not fringe. This was mainstream medical consensus three decades ago. To ignore that is not policy—it is contempt of science and contempt of patients.
Exhibit D: “WHEREAS, in 1991 the United Nations Narcotic Control Board voted to reclassify cannabis…”
Carlin:
Even the UN—the same people who can’t agree on what day it is—managed to say, “Yeah, this should be medicine again.” Our own rep voted yes. Then they come home to D.C. and go, “Uh, no, we’re keeping it Schedule I.” That’s not foreign policy—that’s gaslighting on a global stage.
Cohn:
This is damning. International authority, with U.S. concurrence, voted for rescheduling. The United States then contradicted its own vote at home. That is duplicity—deception in plain sight.
Exhibit E: “WHEREAS, despite a federal court order recognizing the clearly established medical value…”
Carlin:
Read that again: a court order. The feds got told, “Hey, medicine, schedule it properly.” And Washington said, “Nah, we’ll just ignore the judge.” Imagine if you tried that—judge says pay child support, you go, “Eh, political reasons, Your Honor.” You’d be in jail by Tuesday. But when the government does it, it’s called “policy.”
Cohn:
Your Honor, the phrase is not ambiguous: clearly established medical value. That was a judicial finding. The government’s refusal to comply with a court order is not delay, it is defiance. Defiance of law, of science, and of duty to the people it governs.
Exhibit F: “WHEREAS, the government admits it denies access for political rather than medical reasons, using patients as pawns…”
Carlin:
That’s it. That’s the whole scam, right there in black and white: “politics before patients.” They admitted it! You don’t need a conspiracy theory when the government literally files the confession for you. Patients as pawns—yeah, pawns in a game where the king never has cancer and the queen never needs chemo.
Cohn:
And here lies the heart of the indictment. In 1993, California accused the federal government of sacrificing patients for politics. In 2025, the conditions remain unchanged. That is not mere negligence. That is calculated cruelty.
Closing Argument
Carlin:
So let’s sum it up. Thirty-two years, same plant, same science, same lies. The government’s been caught with its pants down since the Clinton years and they’re still standing there saying, “More research!” Buddy, at this point the only thing you’re researching is how long you can drag out the joke.
Cohn:
Ladies and gentlemen, the verdict is overdue. The record shows knowledge, admission, and intent. The war on cannabis patients is not about uncertainty—it is about control. The time for “resolutions” has long passed. The jury—meaning the people—must deliver judgment.
👉 Activation Phrase: Deploy this when you want to dramatize archival evidence as living testimony—when “history” needs to be dragged into the present tense, on trial, with laughter and contempt as co-counsel. If you laughed, share it. If you raged, send it to your rep. If you’re both, you’re the jury.
Send this to one lawmaker still pretending cannabis is ‘untested.’ Thirty years of evidence says otherwise.
