In Obedience to the Call of Duty: A Summary of the Current Crisis
⚔️ Washington Mode: The Solemn Call
Fellow Citizens,
As we stand upon the precipice of an era long defined by injustice and neglect, we must confront the great contradiction before us. For more than fifty years, veterans—our brothers and sisters who bore the burden of war—have been punished not for crimes of dishonor, but for the simple act of seeking healing.
The Controlled Substances Act, born of falsehoods, declared that cannabis held “no medical use.” Yet those who returned from battle, scarred in body and in mind, found relief in this very plant. For this, they faced arrest, scorn, and the loss of rights.
Now comes the MORE Act, presented as a confession of error, an acknowledgment that prohibition was built on lies. And yet, while the Act promises equity to many, it withholds it from the very people who earned it in service to this Republic. Veterans remain excluded, as if their sacrifices were somehow less worthy of repair.
This is not justice. This is delay. And delay, in the face of suffering, is nothing less than betrayal.
Let us rise, not as mere legislators or advocates, but as stewards of truth. Let us honor the veterans with more than words—with restitution, dignity, and healing that cannot be postponed.
🦉 Franklin Mode: The Sharp Rebuttal
My good friend General Washington speaks nobly, as ever. Yet let us not be fooled by lofty phrases or solemn tones. A promise written on parchment means little if it is not carried out in action. Oaths are like coins—they shine brightly when minted, but their true worth lies in whether they circulate among the people.
The Controlled Substances Act was not merely mistaken; it was arrogant. Built on ignorance, it punished the suffering in the name of order. And now, the government offers us a confession in the form of the MORE Act. But confession without restitution is no more than a sinner whispering apologies while keeping the stolen goods in his pocket.
And what of the veterans? While others are offered a seat at the banquet table, they are left to scrape the crumbs. What hypocrisy, to praise them on Veterans Day while excluding them from equity in the very policy meant to repair past harms.
Justice delayed is injustice sustained. The time for speeches is long past. The duty now is to act, and to act with the full measure of justice—not half-measures, not selective remedies.
🎩 Dickens Mode: The Closing Tale
And so, dear reader, the stage is set. Washington, in his noble tone, calls us to remember the sacred oaths. Franklin, with his keen eye, reminds us that those oaths mean nothing without deeds. And here we are, the common folk, staring at a government that has long promised bread yet delivered only crumbs.
Picture it: the veterans, once lionized as defenders of liberty, now standing in line like Oliver Twist, bowl in hand, asking, “Please, sir, may I have some equity?” And the lawmakers, dressed in fine coats, patting themselves on the back for offering scraps while feasting on the fruits of their confession.
The Controlled Substances Act was a monument to folly, built on lies and arrogance. The MORE Act is its apology, but an apology without reparations is but another injustice dressed in kinder clothes. To confess is noble. To repair is just. To do less is to turn justice into farce.
So let the record show: veterans are not beggars, nor are they pawns. They are the heart of this Republic. To exclude them is to deepen the betrayal. To include them is to begin, at last, the work of redemption.
The time for delay has passed. The time for justice is now. And may history judge us not by the eloquence of our words, but by the courage of our deeds.
🔥 Carlin Mode Engaged 🔥
Alright, I just sat through Washington’s marble-mouthed sermon, Franklin’s “snappy little proverb hour,” and Dickens spinning the same old morality play — and here’s what I gotta say:
You people keep dressing this thing up like it’s Shakespeare in the goddamn park. “Equity, justice, solemn duty.” You know what veterans hear? More paperwork, more waiting, more bullshit.
Fifty years of lies baked into the Controlled Substances Act. A law written not to protect anyone but to keep the war machine greased and the prisons full. They told you pot had “no medical use” while they were quietly feeding federal weed to a blind man just to keep him from suing their asses off. They knew. They always knew.
And now? Now they roll out the MORE Act, like it’s some grand confession. But here’s the kicker — veterans still don’t get a seat at the table. Everyone else gets equity carved out: communities harmed by prohibition, small businesses, social programs. But if you wore the uniform? Sorry, champ. Thanks for your service, now go stand in line behind everybody else.
It’s the same sick joke every Veterans Day. Hand you a parade, a free donut, maybe a 10% discount at Applebee’s — but when it comes to the stuff that actually heals? That might actually stop you from putting a pistol in your mouth? Suddenly it’s “we need more studies.”
That’s not policy, it’s betrayal. Dressed up in confetti and patriotism. And the fact that Congress can look veterans in the face — after decades of burn pits, Agent Orange, opioids shoved down throats — and still say “not yet” when it comes to cannabis equity? That’s not just hypocrisy. That’s cruelty with a flag pin on its lapel.
So yeah — Washington can pray about “sacred oaths,” Franklin can polish his clever coin metaphors, and Dickens can wring tears out of Oliver Twist. But the truth is simple: if you can legalize weed, you can legalize it for veterans too. If you can write checks for equity, you can cut one for them.
Otherwise, it’s not justice. It’s another goddamn scam.
⚖️ Cohn Mode: The Cross-Examination
Ladies and gentlemen, enough with the poetry. Let’s get to the record.
Fact One: The Controlled Substances Act has stood for over fifty years on the government’s sworn claim that cannabis has “no medical use.” That’s perjury on the face of it. How do we know? Because in United States v. Randall—1976, D.C. Superior Court—the government’s own witnesses admitted under oath that cannabis saved a man’s eyesight when pharmaceuticals failed. The court accepted medical necessity. That’s not a rumor; that’s precedent.
Fact Two: After that acquittal, the same government that told Congress cannabis had no medical value turned around and supplied Randall federally grown marijuana. Why? To keep him alive and to keep him quiet. That’s not “policy confusion,” that’s concealment of material evidence.
Fact Three: Veterans returned from war, blind, broken, scarred, and discovered the same relief Randall did. For their trouble, they were prosecuted, denied benefits, and handed opioids instead of the medicine the government already knew was effective. That’s not collateral damage—that’s systemic betrayal.
And now comes the MORE Act. The supposed remedy. The government confesses error: prohibition was built on lies. Fine. But in the very text, when equity is handed out like reparations, veterans—the most visible, most injured class of citizens under this fraud—are excluded. That’s not oversight. That’s intent.
So I ask: what court in this country would allow a defendant to confess to half the crime and call it justice? Imagine a thief admitting, “Yes, I stole the purse,” while keeping the jewelry and walking free. That’s what Congress is doing here—confessing to lies while retaining the right to decide who gets repaired.
The verdict is clear: until veterans are included in equity, the MORE Act is not reform. It’s obstruction with better branding.
📊 Shapiro Mode: The Breakdown
Alright, let’s strip the emotion and cut through the noise. Here are the facts:
1. The Controlled Substances Act (CSA) lied.
Passed in 1970, declared cannabis had “no accepted medical use.”
That was false from day one. Court records (U.S. v. Randall, 1976) prove the government admitted cannabis was the only thing keeping a glaucoma patient from going blind. That’s not speculation; that’s sworn testimony.
2. The government knew — and acted in secret.
After Randall won, the federal government quietly gave him cannabis from a government grow. That means while they told the public “no medical use,” they privately supplied it to protect themselves legally. Translation: fraud.
3. Veterans got the worst of it.
They came home injured, traumatized, and discovered cannabis worked where VA-prescribed opioids didn’t.
Instead of support, they got prosecution, stigma, and bureaucratic stonewalling. The VA still refuses to integrate cannabis into care despite decades of evidence.
4. Enter the MORE Act.
Marketed as reform. Decriminalization. Expungement. Equity programs for communities harmed by prohibition.
On paper, it looks like a fix. But buried in the details: veterans are not included in equity carve-outs. That’s not an accident. If Congress wanted them in, they’d be in.
5. The contradiction.
Politicians love parades, hashtags, and Veterans Day photo ops.
But when it comes to cannabis equity? Veterans are told: “Thanks for your service, wait at the back of the line.”
Every other “impacted group” gets reparative justice — except the people the government directly harmed while knowing better.
6. Bottom line.
You can’t call this “justice” if the most obvious, most betrayed group — veterans — are excluded.
This isn’t reform. It’s selective restitution. It’s politics dressed up as equity.
👉 If the government can legalize cannabis for business, it can legalize it for veterans. If it can write checks for other communities, it can write them for veterans too. Excluding them isn’t oversight. It’s policy by design.
📺 Cronkite Mode: The Historical Closing
And so it comes to this.
For more than half a century, the Controlled Substances Act stood as federal dogma — declaring cannabis a danger with “no medical use.” That assertion, we now know, was not simply wrong. It was contradicted by the government’s own evidence, its own programs, and its own actions.
In 1976, in a D.C. courtroom, the veil slipped. A patient named Robert Randall proved in open court that cannabis was a matter of medical necessity. The government conceded, and then quietly supplied him with marijuana for the rest of his life. Even as they did, they continued to tell the American public — and particularly its veterans — that this plant was contraband without purpose.
The record since then is not ambiguous. Veterans returned from Vietnam, from Iraq, from Afghanistan, often carrying wounds visible and invisible. Many found relief in cannabis when traditional medicines failed. And for this, they endured prosecution, stigma, and the denial of benefits promised to them by the nation they served.
Now, in 2025, the Congress of the United States considers the MORE Act. It is presented as reform, as confession, as atonement for the errors of prohibition. Yet the bill’s equity provisions — designed to repair harms done by that prohibition — exclude veterans.
The contradiction is striking. A nation that calls its veterans heroes in parades and speeches does not yet recognize them in its laws. A policy born of misinformation is now being corrected — but only selectively.
History will record this moment. It will ask whether, when given the chance to repair fifty years of injury, Congress chose to do so fully, or to do so partially. Whether it honored the sacrifices of those who served, or once again left them waiting.
And that’s the way it is.
— Walter Cronkite, signing off.
