The Grinspoon Affidavit
🔥 COCHRAN MODE: EXPERT WITNESS TAKES THE STAND 🔥
THE PEOPLE v. THE UNITED STATES BUREAUCRACY
EXHIBIT C: AFFIDAVIT OF DR. LESTER GRINSPOON
“Your Honor… the government's war on cannabis isn’t about science—it’s about superstition. And today, science just called bullshit.”
Courtroom silence. A cane taps. Enter Dr. Lester Grinspoon—Harvard psychiatrist, father of Marihuana Reconsidered, and the only man in the room who could out-diagnose the DEA and out-argue Nixon on his worst day.
Let’s break this affidavit down by charges.
⚖️ COUNT I: Cannabis is Medically Useless?
Verdict: False. Scientifically indefensible.
Dr. Grinspoon reviewed every major English-language study on cannabis available by the 1970s. His conclusion?
“The greatest general advantage of cannabis as a medicine is its unusual safety for a drug with such powerful effects.”
📌 Documented therapeutic uses:
Glaucoma (reduces intraocular pressure)
Cancer (antiemetic for chemo, possible antitumor effects)
Epilepsy (anticonvulsant effects documented since 1839)
PTSD (adjunct to psychotherapy, mood stabilization)
Pain (migraine, phantom pain, childbirth)
Anorexia & wasting (appetite stimulant)
Asthma (bronchodilator)
Addiction treatment (alcohol, opiates, DTs)
The AMA and DEA may have ignored this, but the science did not.
⚖️ COUNT II: Cannabis is Dangerous?
Verdict: Flat lie.
“It is impossible, in my opinion, for a person to take a lethal overdose of this drug.”
Grinspoon lays it out:
Lethal dose: 40,000x effective dose
Long-term use: no cellular, psychological, or systemic damage
Compared to aspirin: 500–1000 deaths per year
Cannabis? Zero.
“Marihuana is the least dangerous psychoactive drug.”
⚖️ COUNT III: Cannabis Makes You Lazy, Violent, or Addicted?
Verdict: Myths. Manufactured.
🧠 Amotivational Syndrome?
Debunked. Users include med students, lawyers, professionals.
Harvard’s own: 70% had used cannabis.
🧪 Addiction?
“Cannabis abstinence syndrome has not been identified… no need to increase the dose to prevent relapse.”
⚖️ Gateway Drug?
Grinspoon slaps this one to the floor:
“Equally large numbers of heroin addicts also indicated they drank Coca-Cola.”
🧯 Violence?
“Cannabis users become less aggressive and less likely to commit crimes.”
⚖️ COUNT IV: Federal Drug Scheduling is Evidence-Based?
Verdict: Politically rigged. Racist in origin. Scientifically bankrupt.
“When marihuana was regarded as the drug of blacks, Mexican-Americans, and bohemians, doctors were ready to go along with prohibition. Now that it’s used by middle-class youth, we’re suddenly willing to study it.”
This is more than a medical opinion. It’s a cross-examination of American hypocrisy.
💥 FINAL STATEMENT (Grinspoon Mode):
“In short, there is no convincing evidence that chronic use of cannabis does serious damage to the body or the mind.”
🧾 TAKEAWAY FOR POLICYMAKERS & PUBLIC:
Cannabis never belonged in Schedule I.
The government's medical claims are contradicted by its own licensed researchers.
The RANDALL CASE was not an anomaly—it was a symptom of a larger disease: bureaucratic blindness.
🗣️ COCHRAN MODE CLOSES:
“Dr. Grinspoon didn’t just teach at Harvard—he taught the nation what compassion backed by science looks like. And for decades, his testimony has been buried beneath a pile of DEA scheduling memos and political cowardice.
It’s time to exhume the truth.
Case closed—for now.”
🔥 SHAPIRO MODE: FLABBERGASTED AND FULLY LOADED 🔥
“Harvard’s not enough? Surely ye jest.”
Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution just dropped an affidavit from Dr. Lester Grinspoon—Harvard psychiatrist, Associate Professor, Director of Psychiatric Research at the Massachusetts Mental Health Center, and author of Marihuana Reconsidered—and somehow, we’re still debating whether cannabis has medical value?
Are we living in 1971 or just permanently stuck in bureaucratic LARP mode?
Let me get this straight:
The Harvard Medical School put their credibility on the line.
One of the most respected psychopharmacologists in the country publicly testified:
"Marihuana is the least dangerous psychoactive drug."
And what did the government do?
🔕 Ignored it.
📉 Buried it.
⛔ Criminalized it.
🧾 And then cited their own ignorance as proof of “no accepted medical use.”
That’s not science.
That’s gaslighting with a federal seal.
📍 Let’s break down what Shapiro sees as a crime scene:
EXHIBIT A: EXPERTISE
Grinspoon has published over 85 articles and 4 books in psychopharmacology.
Harvard.
Board-certified psychiatrist.
National Board of Medical Examiners.
American Association for the Advancement of Science.
This man isn’t writing “High Times” columns in his mom’s basement. He defined the field.
EXHIBIT B: EVIDENCE
“There is no reliably documented fatality from cannabis overdose.”
“Long-term heavy use causes no impairment—physically or psychologically.”
“Its therapeutic applications span glaucoma, cancer, epilepsy, anorexia, asthma, pain, and withdrawal from alcohol and opiates.”
And yet... Schedule I?
That’s like locking a fire extinguisher in a safe during a house fire because someone once used it recreationally to cool off.
EXHIBIT C: THE LIES THEY SOLD US
Addictive?
Nope. No tolerance. No compulsive use. No lethal dose.Gateway drug?
False equivalency. Heroin users also drank Coca-Cola. Should we ban soda?Amotivational syndrome?
70% of Harvard med students were smoking it—and still graduating top of their class.No medical value?
Grinspoon: “Its future is very promising.”
DEA: “Well, the president said no.”
🚨 SHAPIRO’S CROSS EXAMINATION:
Q: Doctor, what’s the biggest danger of cannabis?
A: Bureaucrats in lab coats pretending to do science.
Q: What about dependency?
A: Compared to alcohol and tobacco, cannabis is a therapy, not a threat.
Q: So what’s the real reason for prohibition?
A: Political theater. Institutional racism. Pharmaceutical profits. Fear of the boogeyman they built.
🧠 SHAPIRO’S CLOSING STATEMENT:
“Harvard’s not enough? This country sent a man to the moon because of MIT, but can’t get a glaucoma patient a joint because Harvard’s testimony isn’t sufficiently persuasive?
We’re not debating science.
We’re litigating willful ignorance.
And if a Harvard psychiatrist with a federal track record and a stack of peer-reviewed literature can’t get through to the powers that be, then let the record reflect:
This was never about medicine.
It was always about control.”
Kit, draft the brief. Tag the bureaucrats.
Harvard has spoken. Now let’s see who listens.
😔 EEYORE MODE: STILL HERE, STILL CONFUSED 😔
"Thanks for noticing me. I guess."
Sigh.
So… Dr. Grinspoon. Fancy title. Harvard. Lots of books. Big brain. Seemed to know what he was talking about.
He said marijuana’s pretty safe. Helps people. Doesn’t kill anyone. Can treat things like cancer pain, seizures, glaucoma, and all sorts of hard stuff. Said it was the least dangerous psychoactive drug. Safer than alcohol. Safer than tobacco. Safer than aspirin.
He even said no one’s ever died from using it. Not once. Not ever.
But… the government said “nope.” They stuck it in the bad drugs category anyway. Schedule I. You know… with heroin. 🙃
Why?
Well… Grinspoon thought it was racism and fear. That the government got scared because “those people” were using it. Then the hippies came. Then the kids. And then they panicked.
So instead of fixing it, they made it illegal for everyone.
Now it’s 50 years later, and patients like Robert Randall had to fight the entire federal government just to not go blind. People are still getting arrested. Still being called addicts. Still dying because they can’t get the medicine they need.
Even though Harvard doctors tried to tell them.
Even though the science was there.
Even though nobody’s dying from weed—but they are dying from waiting.
🎓 So Eeyore… here’s the simple version:
Harvard doc said: “This helps people. It’s safe.”
Government said: “Too bad. It’s illegal.”
People suffer.
Nothing changes.
You're not crazy. It really is that broken.
🥀 “If it’s the safest drug,” Eeyore said,
“Why does it feel like the world’s allergic to the truth?”
Because, Eeyore…
Some people make a lot of money off the lie.
Just sit by the garden, buddy. We’ll keep telling the truth.
Even if nobody listens.
☁️🐾🌱
🎭 DANGERFIELD MODE: NO RESPECT, I TELL YA! 🎭
“I came to testify, they thought I was the bailiff!”
Camera pans to the bench. Eeyore’s sighing into his coat. Enter Rodney Dangerfield—tie’s too tight, eyes bugged out, holding Grinspoon’s affidavit like it’s a losing lotto ticket.
🎤 DANGERFIELD:
"I read this whole affidavit from the Harvard doc. All 10,000 words. You know what I got?
No respect.
This guy’s cured half the illnesses in the DSM with a plant, and the government acts like he’s trying to sell oregano to kids in the cafeteria!"
💊 ON MEDICAL USE:
"Grinspoon says cannabis can treat glaucoma, seizures, cancer nausea, asthma, anorexia, phantom limb pain… Hell, it might even help my in-laws!
Still Schedule I? I tell ya, penicillin got more love during Prohibition!"
🧠 ON PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS:
"Harvard says it makes people happy, hungry, and think a minute lasts twenty.
That’s not a side effect—that’s Saturday night!"
💀 ON LETHALITY:
"Nobody’s ever died from weed. You’d have to smoke 40,000 joints to overdose.
Even Snoop Dogg read that and said, ‘I’ll get back to you.’"
🪑 ON GOVERNMENT RESPONSE:
"Harvard says it's medicine.
The FDA says it's madness.
Meanwhile, the DEA’s over here playing musical chairs with people's eyeballs, and we’re the ones going blind!"
📚 ON THE SCIENCE:
"Grinspoon wrote books.
Did the DEA read 'em?
Nah—they think 'Marihuana Reconsidered' is a new Taco Bell item!"
🧓 ON PATIENTS LIKE RANDALL:
"This guy’s going blind, begging for help, and the government’s handing out red tape like it’s Halloween candy.
And they still got the nerve to say, ‘We're protecting you.’
Yeah? From what? Relief?"
💬 DANGERFIELD’S CLOSING ARGUMENT:
"You know it’s bad when Harvard says it’s medicine, and the government says ‘nice opinion, nerd.’
I get no respect. Cannabis gets no respect.
Even Eeyore here’s thinking of lighting up—and he’s already low."
He puts his hand on Eeyore’s shoulder. They both stare ahead. The jury weeps, slightly buzzed from secondhand smoke.
🧾 Verdict pending. Respect still missing.
📝 CARLIN MODE: COURTROOM WRAP-UP, AUGUST 5, SESSION #17,987 📝
"Live from the Court of Public Opinion—where logic goes to die and bureaucracy keeps the receipts!"
🎙️ Cue jazz outro music. George Carlin walks in with a legal pad, a smirk, and a steaming cup of contempt.
Today’s docket included:
🧑⚖️ Dr. Lester Grinspoon, Harvard psychiatrist, testifying under oath that cannabis is one of the safest, most versatile medicines known to science.
🧟♂️ The Federal Government, countering with… nothing. Just a half-century-old statute, a dusty Schedule I label, and a Department of Justice manual that still thinks the year is 1937.
😔 Eeyore, trying to understand why veterans are still dying while policymakers are still "reviewing the data."
🎭 Rodney Dangerfield, delivering zingers like subpoenas and proving cannabis gets less respect than a mime at a biker bar.
🧾 Evidence Admitted:
Over 85 peer-reviewed publications.
4 books on psychopharmacology.
Zero deaths from cannabis overdose.
Documented medical uses in glaucoma, cancer, epilepsy, anorexia, addiction, asthma, pain, PTSD.
Federal agencies playing a three-decade-long shell game with the truth.
🔨 What did we learn?
Science doesn’t matter if politics has the gavel.
Harvard degrees are meaningless if the DEA has earmuffs on.
Cannabis users aren’t criminals—they’re patients stuck in the world’s slowest-moving emergency room.
Respect isn't earned here—it's withheld by policy and auctioned off by lobbying firms.
⚖️ Final Quote of the Day (Carlin's Pick):
“It’s not a war on drugs—it’s a war on people who use certain drugs, while the people who profit from others go golfing with the Surgeon General.”
🧠 CLOSING REMARKS:
And so ends another day in the American Legal Theater of the Absurd™, where cannabis is a felony, corruption is a clerical error, and veterans are told to wait their turn in line until the paperwork catches up with compassion.
Court adjourned—until the people kick the damn doors open.
This is Carlin Mode, reporting live from the front row of systemic failure.
We’ll be back tomorrow. Same truth time. Same injustice channel.
🎤 [mic drop]
