FEDERAL FUCKERY
🔥 COCHRAN MODE: COURT IS NOW IN SESSION 🔥
“Your Honor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Veterans of this nation, and ghosts of the fallen—
We are not here to argue.
We are here to indict.
Because what you just heard?
That’s not regulation.
That’s state-sanctioned obstruction. Medical gatekeeping with a Schedule I badge.”
📜 EXHIBIT A: THE BUREAUCRATIC PAPER TRAIL
Taken from the minutes and correspondence of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s Drug Abuse Research Advisory Committee (DARAC), circa 1977.
We present:
Patients with federal weed prescriptions
Smoking government cannabis at home
Legally sanctioned by the FDA, the DEA, and the U.S. Public Health Service
All on record. All confirmed.
They were:
Veterans like Robert Randall
Glaucoma patients facing blindness
Cancer patients vomiting themselves into skeletal frames
Yet today, in 2025, veterans still die in pain, still face arrest, still get turned away by VA doctors for the same medication that the government approved nearly 50 years ago.
💣 EXHIBIT B: THE DOUBLE STANDARD
Let’s talk “take-home privileges,” shall we?
1977: Dr. Merritt issued a week’s supply of cannabis cigarettes to glaucoma patients.
DARAC voted to allow weekend supplies.
The government coordinated daily pickup at a federal clinic in D.C.
THC was dispensed for outpatient use under federally sanctioned medical research.
Yet veterans today can’t even discuss cannabis with their VA physician without fear of being flagged, stigmatized, or denied care.
Same condition. Same treatment. Different century. No access.
That’s not policy.
That’s betrayal.
🧠 EXHIBIT C: THE SCIENCE WAS THERE
DARAC confirmed:
Cannabis reduced intraocular pressure in glaucoma
THC controlled chemotherapy-induced nausea and vomiting
Cannabis showed potential as an antidiarrheal, anti-anxiety agent, and central nervous system modulator
FDA had in-hand:
Positive IND studies
Double-blind trials
Government-grown cannabis cigarettes from NIDA
Recommendations for inhaled and transdermal delivery
So what happened?
Nothing.
Because the system knew the truth and chose to bury it under paperwork, protocols, and policy fiction.
⚖️ EXHIBIT D: THE VETERAN PRECEDENT
Let’s bring in Robert Randall, the first legal medical cannabis patient in U.S. history.
Randall—legally blind from glaucoma, U.S. citizen, and patient of Dr. Merritt—was nearly cut off from his federally supplied cannabis due to a sudden change in DARAC policy.
So he wrote the FDA:
“It is unsettling… to return to Washington and find that the physician authorized to provide you with a critical medication has been abruptly dis-authorized... I cannot tolerate unwarranted and sudden interferences with my regimen of medical therapy and expect to retain my vision.”
He demanded:
Due process
Medical stability
Transparency
Respect for his rights
And he won.
Because he had paperwork.
He had the truth.
He had the courage to fight.
🎖️ EXHIBIT E: MODERN VETERANS LEFT TO DIE
Now, Your Honor, let me bring this home:
Thousands of veterans today suffer from PTSD, chronic pain, cancer, traumatic brain injury, and glaucoma.
Many are dead because the government blocked access to the one plant shown—by its own researchers—to help.
Ask yourself:
📌 If it was legal in 1977 for one patient to receive cannabis from the federal government for glaucoma…
📌 And legal in 1978 for cancer patients to receive it for nausea…
📌 And legal for outpatient use, including take-home use, coordinated across FDA, DEA, and USPHS…
Then what possible justification remains to deny it now, in 2025, to those who wore the uniform and bled for this country?
💥 CLOSING ARGUMENT
This isn’t about cannabis.
This is about the deliberate suppression of healing.
This is about a system that saw a plant work—and built a wall around it with red tape, gatekeepers, and gaslight.
This is about veterans who:
Came home
Asked for help
Were given pills, denials, and silence
Instead of a joint, they got a tombstone.
The Prosecution rests.
Now tell me, America—
How long are we going to keep pretending we didn’t know?
🔓 PRAYER FOR RELIEF
We respectfully demand:
Immediate VA-Directed Rescheduling of Cannabis for Medical Use by Veterans
Expansion of the IND Program to include all qualifying veterans with physician certification
Establishment of a Federal Veterans Cannabis Registry with legal protections, take-home provisions, and supply chains
Public Acknowledgment of Historical Precedent and restoration of suppressed DARAC data to modern policy frameworks
Cessation of All Punitive Action against veterans for cannabis use in any legal state or medical circumstance
📢 The facts are in. The government knew. The science was sound. The delay is deadly.
We don't need more studies.
We need courage, conscience, and compassion.
Right now.
For the living.
In honor of the dead.
Court dismissed. 🔨
🔥 SHAPIRO MODE: SCORCHED EARTH RESPONSE 🔥
“I’ve seen a lot of bureaucratic cowardice in my day—but this? This is generational malpractice with a government letterhead.”
Let me make this crystal clear.
What you just read is not a historical footnote.
It’s a confession.
Not in ink—but in negligence.
Not in silence—but in paperwork so thick you could suffocate a platoon with it.
The U.S. government, through DARAC, the FDA, NIDA, and the DEA, knew by 1977 that:
Cannabis lowered intraocular pressure for glaucoma patients
THC stopped cancer-induced vomiting when every pharmaceutical failed
Cannabis had recognized take-home distribution protocols—coordinated by federal agencies
Patients like Robert Randall were legally picking up weed from government clinics in Washington D.C.
So why, almost half a century later, are veterans still dying without access?
Because this isn’t about science.
It’s about control.
🧨 Let’s Talk About What Actually Happened
Robert Randall got legal cannabis from the feds in 1976.
He had take-home privileges.
He was allowed a week’s supply.
The committee voted to let him pick up Saturday and Sunday’s supply on Friday.
You think this system didn’t know it worked?
It worked.
It was documented.
It was federally approved.
They even debated whether to use federal pharmacies to stock weed for outpatient pickup.
Now veterans are being told:
“We don’t have enough research…”
Oh really?
Because this smells less like a lack of research and more like willful amnesia at the expense of human life.
💀 Gatekeeping with a Clipboard
Let’s call this what it is:
Gatekeeping dressed up as public safety.
The government built a system to:
Approve cannabis for a handful of carefully monitored patients
Lock everyone else out
Pretend it didn’t happen
Then blame “insufficient data” while veterans kill themselves in record numbers
That’s not caution.
That’s state-engineered gaslighting.
And they knew it.
Because buried in the minutes, right there in black and white, is a debate about “how many other advisory boards” might have power over a patient’s access to cannabis.
Let me repeat that.
They built a system so dense, even they didn’t know who had final say.
This isn’t policy. This is Kafka with a Schedule I stamp.
💬 The Letter That Should Haunt Congress
“It is unsettling… to find that the physician authorized to provide you with a critical medication has been abruptly dis-authorized... by some almost unknown group expert in abuse, not therapy.”
That was Randall, writing in 1977.
You could copy-paste that quote into any VA hospital in 2025 and it would still be true.
⚠️ The Delay Was the Point
This wasn’t a failure of implementation.
This was deliberate regulatory paralysis.
They slow-walked supply chains.
They changed take-home rules overnight.
They interrogated principal investigators.
They made sure the research never scaled.
Because if it scaled, the lie would collapse.
🎯 Final Judgment
If this was a clinical trial, the conclusion would be:
“Gatekeeping by federal agencies results in preventable suffering and death. Recommend immediate intervention.”
But this isn’t a trial.
It’s a cover-up that’s still ongoing.
So here’s what I recommend instead:
🔥 Burn the bureaucracy.
(Not literally. Calm down.)
I mean burn the narrative that says,
“We need more studies.”
“We don’t know enough.”
“We can’t approve this for veterans.”
We do.
We did.
We ignored it.
And veterans are dying for it.
🧱 You want real justice?
Reinstate the IND program.
Deschedule cannabis—fully.
Put the VA on the front lines of access, not denial.
Fund reparative programs for the decades of damage done.
Or…
Keep gaslighting the people who defended your freedom
with a straight face while reading DARAC’s own minutes aloud in Congress.
Your call.
Tick tock.
Veterans don’t have another 50 years.
🎤 GEORGE CARLIN MODE: COURTROOM RECESS REPORT
“Live from the Hall of Justice Delusion: This is your friendly neighborhood cynic, flickin’ truth like boogers at a Senate hearing.”
Alright folks, here's the update from inside the circus tent they’re calling a courtroom:
The prosecution’s been droppin’ truth bombs like it’s Baghdad 2003, Shapiro just went full thermonuclear on the hypocrisy, and the stenographer?
She’s out here duckin’ my snot rockets of sarcasm while typing up a transcript of America’s longest-running medical hostage crisis.
And what’s on trial?
Not weed.
Not policy.
Not even the FDA.
What’s on trial is the idea that your government gives a single flying f@%k about your well-being.
📜 FLASHBACK: 1977 — THE YEAR WE KNEW, AND DID NOTHING
So lemme get this straight:
🌀 In 1977, the feds were handing out government-grown joints to a guy named Robert Randall...
🌿...for his glaucoma...
🏥...in outpatient care...
📦...with WEEKLY take-home cannabis refills...
👩⚕️...from a federal pharmacy…
📎...while simultaneously telling everyone else,
“Cannabis has no accepted medical use.”
AND THEY DOCUMENTED IT.
In committee minutes, no less!
That’s not medicine.
That’s a magic trick with paperwork.
“Now you see the patient…
Now you don’t.
POOF! He’s a political liability!”
🧠 THE GOVERNMENT’S OFFICIAL STANCE:
“We know it works, we just don’t want you to have it.”
And who are “you”?
The veteran with PTSD who can’t sleep without it?
The grandma on chemo who wants to eat again?
The guy with glaucoma who doesn’t want to go blind watching Congress jack off the pharmaceutical industry?
Yeah, that “you.”
🏛️ MEANWHILE IN THE COURTROOM…
I’m sitting next to a judge who looks like his lunch was twelve Xanax and a turkey sandwich, while the VA whispers:
“It’s not approved yet… but we’re reviewing your suicide.”
Shapiro’s lighting up the rafters.
Cochran just subpoenaed God.
And I’m over here trying to get someone—anyone—to explain why the government
that drops bombs worth billions
can’t deliver a pre-rolled joint
to a blind guy in D.C.
🔎 THE REAL CRIME?
This whole charade isn’t about legality.
It’s about bureaucratic cowardice wrapped in a lab coat.
They took a plant.
A safe one. A cheap one.
They watched it help people.
And they locked it away like it owed them money.
🗣️ FINAL REPORT FROM RECESS:
This is Carlin, live from the marble-clad theater of pretend.
Where the truth is locked in filing cabinets,
and the people still wait in line
for medicine their government already approved—five decades ago.
The feds?
They’re still arguing over dosage, route of administration, and whether “feeling better” counts as a therapeutic effect.
The rest of us?
We’re wondering if the “Department of Health and Human Services” has ever actually met a human.
We’ll be back after lunch, folks.
If the court doesn’t choke on its own hypocrisy first.
🎙️ Carlin out. Pass the ashtray.
🎤 CARLIN MODE: FINAL TAKE — THE ECHO OF A COUNTRY LYING TO ITS VETERANS
"I guess this is what they mean by: 'Thank you for your service.'"
Yeah…
“Thank you for your service.”
That little phrase they slap on everything from airport banners to discount coffee cups.
It’s like duct tape for guilt.
But if you stick around long enough—
If you really listen—
You realize it’s not gratitude.
It’s a eulogy in advance.
You see, when a veteran says:
“Cannabis saved my life.”
And the government says:
“Yeah but did Pfizer say it could?”
That’s not “support.”
That’s policy malpractice wrapped in a flag.
You get a medal for bravery,
but a criminal record for healing.
You get a folded flag when you die,
but a folded budget when you live.
And if you’re lucky?
You get to tell your story to a committee that’s already asleep.
And the same institutions that sent you to war…
That taught you to push through pain…
To follow orders…
To take the hit so someone else didn’t have to…
They now tell you:
“We need more time. We need more studies. We need more... consensus.”
But here’s the kicker:
They had the studies.
They had the data.
They had the power.
And they buried it under bureaucracy so thick you’d need a bayonet to cut through the footnotes.
So yeah…
I guess this is what they mean by “Thank you for your service.”
Thank you for your trauma.
Thank you for your silence.
Thank you for dying politely, off-camera.
But here's the thing:
Veterans don’t need parades.
They don’t need hashtags.
They don’t need one more goddamn poster with an eagle and a Bible quote.
They need access. They need dignity. They need medicine.
And until they get it?
I say we return the favor:
“No, Uncle Sam… thank you.
For your disservice.”
🎤 Carlin out. Go light one for the ones who couldn’t.
